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It's all starting now...
Matthew.
25 going on 45. tired | frustrated | ongoing project. but i am ambitious. hey hey
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Sunday, November 08, 2009 | 5:00 PM
1. Rugby As The Eleven O'Clock Show once put it: rugby - either you like it, or you think it's a bit shit. Either way, it's a bit shit. Rugby is not only a phenomenally dull spectators sport, but also almost wholly devoid of skill. As the useless wimp who was always picked last for games at school (Ok, that might have been me) will tell you, if you don't fall into a certain catagory, you cannot play rugby. If you're built like a brick shithouse or are able to run like a Thompson's gazelle, you're on the team; if you possess both of these qualities then you'll be a bloody world beater. Because that is all rugby is - pure physicality. Show me a rugby player who weighs 7st wet through and is as quick as a beached whale and I'll change my mind. And by the way, when William Webb Ellis picked up the ball during a game of football and ran with it, some saw it as an inspired action which gave birth to a new sport. Others, like me, thought the prick should have been booked for a deliberate handball. 2. Boxing Since when has two men beating each other up been a legitimate sport? Much like rugby, physical power, and not skill, is the overriding factor, and any sport which favours the advancement of men stupid enough to risk brain damage has got to be suspect. And, since so many fights involve the participants prancing around and eventually being awarded wins based on points issued by judges, it basically amounts to an exremely violent version of Strictly Come Dancing. 3. Formula One The formula in Formula One is simple: driver + amazing car = success. With the exception of Michael Schumacher, it is almost possible for one of the chimpanzees from the PG Tips adverts to win an F1 championship provided you put it in the best car. How else do you explain drivers who have done bugger all for years suddenly coming good? (Take note Jensen). Would it have something to do with their new cars being Kitt from Knight Rider? 4. Athletics A controversial one admittedly, since the participants in this case are without doubt some of the finest physical specimens of humanity on the planet, but that doesn't change the fact that their sport is bloody boring. And, yet again, largely without skill when it comes to track events. The mother of all boring athletics events is obviously the Olympics, which is watched by the viewing public for a total of 9 seconds during the hundred metres, after which they switch over to Emmerdale again and forget about it for another 4 years. |