Check me out, I'm in South Africa.

Writing from possibly the greatest hotel I have ever had the privileged to stay in, just outside Hermanus, near the cape. This place shits all over Hotel Babylon; golf course, spa, pool, luxuriant grounds and rooms are what it's all about. But you know me, I'm all about the luxury and the high class living. Yeah, I said it.

So I've been in SA for about 4 days now, and I must be doing alright because I'm not on an operating table having bullets removed or anything, so I'm fairly pleased. Flights from Manc to Dubai and Dubai to Johannesburg were fine thanks in part to Emirates' magnificent in-flight entertainment system. Listening to the best of Steven Wright's stand-up is a good way to alleviate tension ("I bought some used paint the other day. It was in the shape of a house").

Waited around in Jo'burg for a short while, trying not to look like easy targets for robbery or, er...target practice. Met the bride-to-be briefly and then it was off to Cape Town where we got the hire car, holed up in a travel tavern for the night then made our way the hell out of there the next day, venturing into wine country. First stop was Franschhoek, and a lovely little guest house run by two almost definitely gay men (not that there's anything wrong with that) with exquisite taste, as gay men often have. One was English and the other Scottish - us Brits showing them how to do hospitality out here! Met up with Roz and Ewan, whereupon we quaffed some wine like it was going out of fashion, or turning into vinegar, and ate at a ludicrously cheap restaurant situated in a winery. Our attention turned to wine tasting, and it was at this point that things got serious; brows furrowed, wine swished around pallets, and we formed our respective judgements on the vintners produce. My personal tip for winos (the good kind, not that crack-addled bint who keeps falling out of nightclubs and rehab) who may find themselves in this part of the world is Sauvignon Blanc and some particularly tasty chardonnays.

Anyway, I shall leave it there for now. Tune in next time for another exciting episode! Or at least something to take your mind off the relentless juggernaut that is everyday existence for the 21st century human being. You know what I mean - arguments, mortgages, rent, shopping, ITV etc. Yeah, you get the picture.

Check me out, I'm in South Africa.

Writing from possibly the greatest hotel I have ever had the privileged to stay in, just outside Hermanus, near the cape. This place shits all over Hotel Babylon; golf course, spa, pool, luxuriant grounds and rooms are what it's all about. But you know me, I'm all about the luxury and the high class living. Yeah, I said it.

So I've been in SA for about 4 days now, and I must be doing alright because I'm not on an operating table having bullets removed or anything, so I'm fairly pleased. Flights from Manc to Dubai and Dubai to Johannesburg were fine thanks in part to Emirates' magnificent in-flight entertainment system. Listening to the best of Steven Wright's stand-up is a good way to alleviate tension ("I bought some used paint the other day. It was in the shape of a house").

Waited around in Jo'burg for a short while, trying not to look like easy targets for robbery or, er...target practice. Met the bride-to-be briefly and then it was off to Cape Town where we got the hire car, holed up in a travel tavern for the night then made our way the hell out of there the next day, venturing into wine country. First stop was Franschhoek, and a lovely little guest house run by two almost definitely gay men (not that there's anything wrong with that) with exquisite taste, as gay men often have. One was English and the other Scottish - us Brits showing them how to do hospitality out here! Met up with Roz and Ewan, whereupon we quaffed some wine like it was going out of fashion, or turning into vinegar, and ate at a ludicrously cheap restaurant situated in a winery. Our attention turned to wine tasting, and it was at this point that things got serious; brows furrowed, wine swished around pallets, and we formed our respective judgements on the vintners produce. My personal tip for winos (the good kind, not that crack-addled bint who keeps falling out of nightclubs and rehab) who may find themselves in this part of the world is Sauvignon Blanc and some particularly tasty chardonnays.

Anyway, I shall leave it there for now. Tune in next time for another exciting episode! Or at least something to take your mind off the relentless juggernaut that is everyday existence for the 21st century human being. You know what I mean - arguments, mortgages, rent, shopping, ITV etc. Yeah, you get the picture.