Well, that's it. You may all now breathe a collective sigh of relief - no longer will your inboxes be plagued with links to the scrapbook pages of my life. In short: I'm home.
I last wrote in New Plymouth i believe, so that is where i shall begin. I left New Plymouth early in the morning for the final leg of my New Zealand adventure - back to Auckland where it all began approximately 5 weeks ago. Unsurprisingly Auckland hadn't changed much but i decided to make the best of it until my flight 2 days later, and checked into a backpackers hostel in the city centre. Although the staff were helpful the place was a bit naff and all that stuff in the Lonely Planet guide about it having new showers and carpets fitted was a complete falsehood (i hate the sort of showers where you feel dirtier coming out than when you went in, don't you?). Still, one good feature was the nightly screening of DVDs, and i watched Human Traffic with my fellow travellers in the communal area. It's a good film but a bit cliched at times, and i lost count of how many times the characters took it in turns to say "i'm fucked".
I shared my room with a bloke from Chile and a couple from either Manchester or somewhere in Yorkshire (i knew this because they pronounced Dodo, as in the flightless extinct bird, "durh-durh"), who were planning to stay and work in New Zealand for a while.
The day before my flight i decided to sleep in until midday because a) i was knackered and b) i couldn't think of anything to do in Auckland anyway, but i did eventually get up and go for some lunch and a bit of shopping before coming back to the hostel to read my newly acquired books. The big plan as to how to whittle away the evening came into effect shortly before 8pm: a swift beer and then off to the cinema to see new Will Ferrell vehicle Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Not as good as Anchorman but the bit where he thinks he's on fire had me laughing uncontrollably. All in all, 7 on 10.

Up nice and early the next day to get to the airport for my journey home as the last thing i wanted to do was miss a rather expensive flight. It should be noted that during this whole holiday my Travel Paranoia has been quite intense, and several times i almost convinced myself that i was developing some mild OCD owing to the number of times i checked for my passport. But those of you who know me well are fully aware that leaving my passport on a hill in New Zealand or something is the kind of thing that would happen to me, so maybe the madness is jusitified.
I had the foresight (well, the Manc/Yorks couple had the foresight) to consider asking for some extra leg room from the nice girl at the check in desk at the airport and she duly obliged, which was nice. The down side was that i was put near one of the emergency exit seats and therefore had to stare at a large and complicated looking piece of steel for 10 hours. However, those TVs that they have on planes nowadays are a godsend - plenty of comedy shows and even some recently released movies. I watched An Inconvenient Truth, a film by Bill Clinton's Vice-President Al Gore about the thorny issue of global warming. It seems the satirists are a bit harsh on Gore; he came across as being an amiable chap with a dry sense of humour, and he is very passionate about a subject which many Americans are ignoring. I strongly suggest you watch it - it's a very powerful and convincing message, and it really makes you think about the consequences of your actions.

After a three and a half hour wait in Hong Kong, which felt more like 8 hours, i was back on the plane and bound for London. Thankfully the seat next to me wasn't occupied and i think this worked in my favour as it allowed me to stretch out that little bit more. Two more films in the bag during that flight - The Da Vinci Code and Nacho Libre - both of which were quite good. This time i managed to get to sleep for a bit and that cut some time of the journey. Arriving in to Heathrow at around 6am i quickly collected my bag and got through passport control (not exactly the hardest thing to do in the UK these days anyway), then made my way to the coach station for the final leg - the National Express home! Unlike the Divine Comedy song there are in fact no hostesses with arses the size of small countries these days, and i'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Whatever floats your boat i suppose.

So thats it. I've been home for a day now and i've started timing how long it takes for the novelty to wear off for my mum and for her to start moaning about me leaving cups everywhere. Frankly i think she was bored while i was away as i am the creator of all the mess in the house. She must have sat at home not knowing what to do with herself, knocking over things just so she could clear it up; that sort of thing. And on that bombshell i will kill this enterprise off like the mutilated fox it is. I may do this again if i ever go somewhere nice in the future. Watch this space. Actually, don't.
Byee.

Well, that's it. You may all now breathe a collective sigh of relief - no longer will your inboxes be plagued with links to the scrapbook pages of my life. In short: I'm home.
I last wrote in New Plymouth i believe, so that is where i shall begin. I left New Plymouth early in the morning for the final leg of my New Zealand adventure - back to Auckland where it all began approximately 5 weeks ago. Unsurprisingly Auckland hadn't changed much but i decided to make the best of it until my flight 2 days later, and checked into a backpackers hostel in the city centre. Although the staff were helpful the place was a bit naff and all that stuff in the Lonely Planet guide about it having new showers and carpets fitted was a complete falsehood (i hate the sort of showers where you feel dirtier coming out than when you went in, don't you?). Still, one good feature was the nightly screening of DVDs, and i watched Human Traffic with my fellow travellers in the communal area. It's a good film but a bit cliched at times, and i lost count of how many times the characters took it in turns to say "i'm fucked".
I shared my room with a bloke from Chile and a couple from either Manchester or somewhere in Yorkshire (i knew this because they pronounced Dodo, as in the flightless extinct bird, "durh-durh"), who were planning to stay and work in New Zealand for a while.
The day before my flight i decided to sleep in until midday because a) i was knackered and b) i couldn't think of anything to do in Auckland anyway, but i did eventually get up and go for some lunch and a bit of shopping before coming back to the hostel to read my newly acquired books. The big plan as to how to whittle away the evening came into effect shortly before 8pm: a swift beer and then off to the cinema to see new Will Ferrell vehicle Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Not as good as Anchorman but the bit where he thinks he's on fire had me laughing uncontrollably. All in all, 7 on 10.

Up nice and early the next day to get to the airport for my journey home as the last thing i wanted to do was miss a rather expensive flight. It should be noted that during this whole holiday my Travel Paranoia has been quite intense, and several times i almost convinced myself that i was developing some mild OCD owing to the number of times i checked for my passport. But those of you who know me well are fully aware that leaving my passport on a hill in New Zealand or something is the kind of thing that would happen to me, so maybe the madness is jusitified.
I had the foresight (well, the Manc/Yorks couple had the foresight) to consider asking for some extra leg room from the nice girl at the check in desk at the airport and she duly obliged, which was nice. The down side was that i was put near one of the emergency exit seats and therefore had to stare at a large and complicated looking piece of steel for 10 hours. However, those TVs that they have on planes nowadays are a godsend - plenty of comedy shows and even some recently released movies. I watched An Inconvenient Truth, a film by Bill Clinton's Vice-President Al Gore about the thorny issue of global warming. It seems the satirists are a bit harsh on Gore; he came across as being an amiable chap with a dry sense of humour, and he is very passionate about a subject which many Americans are ignoring. I strongly suggest you watch it - it's a very powerful and convincing message, and it really makes you think about the consequences of your actions.

After a three and a half hour wait in Hong Kong, which felt more like 8 hours, i was back on the plane and bound for London. Thankfully the seat next to me wasn't occupied and i think this worked in my favour as it allowed me to stretch out that little bit more. Two more films in the bag during that flight - The Da Vinci Code and Nacho Libre - both of which were quite good. This time i managed to get to sleep for a bit and that cut some time of the journey. Arriving in to Heathrow at around 6am i quickly collected my bag and got through passport control (not exactly the hardest thing to do in the UK these days anyway), then made my way to the coach station for the final leg - the National Express home! Unlike the Divine Comedy song there are in fact no hostesses with arses the size of small countries these days, and i'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Whatever floats your boat i suppose.

So thats it. I've been home for a day now and i've started timing how long it takes for the novelty to wear off for my mum and for her to start moaning about me leaving cups everywhere. Frankly i think she was bored while i was away as i am the creator of all the mess in the house. She must have sat at home not knowing what to do with herself, knocking over things just so she could clear it up; that sort of thing. And on that bombshell i will kill this enterprise off like the mutilated fox it is. I may do this again if i ever go somewhere nice in the future. Watch this space. Actually, don't.
Byee.